Archive for March, 2013

The joys of a touchscreen; I almost sent this message this morning:

Thanx for the invite. Sadly we cant make it. hope u all have gun!

Lucky for me I still have a livid spell-check implanted in my brain that keeps me from making such errors though honestly – that’s exactly the kind of message I’d like to send to some people I know. But then given the current global state of affairs and the offensive need to be positive, I wonder if one could be too careful in making conversation. For instance, when you wish for someone to have a blast at their party – and then they do…

Excuse the tart and snap in my thoughts. I’m still a bit jet lagged. Also still trying to rub off the sting of whatever is wrong with a country I left behind a decade ago but still love to bits. Among other things, the one thing that disturbed me was terminology – pungent, satirical, taunting. As were certain behaviors that kept me thinking – either I’ve lost my sense of humor to appreciate it all or it all really isn’t funny. I also realized that the way I define being bold and honest is quite different from how some people back home perceive it.

For instance when I invite someone to visit me, I don’t find it funny or honest or bold when they respond with a, “We will never come to the US!” (minus the arrogant hair flip that I doubt would add to my displeasure). Here’s what goes through my mind (and sometimes tongue) at such times: I hardly care if you have political issues with drone attacks on Waziristan or the State’s love for Israel, I bloody just extended an invitation to you to come to my house! The worst possible reply one can dish out to kill this warmth in my book is a simple, “We’ll try”. The absence of a thank you there makes it rude enough, wouldn’t you say? I would! And no, it’s not the White House who cares for your visit to the States; it’s me – your humble relative. But thanks for letting me know how you feel about the entire issue. I’ll make sure to have your name on the list for Those Who Shall Be Denied Entrance in the US of A lest you do change your mind later and commit this unspeakable sin of visiting the forbidden land.

Furthermore, I don’t find it funny or honest or bold to bash the country that is my home away from home now while you’re tapping calls and messages on an iPhone. Even if it was assembled in Timbuktu – it’s still Apple. Not made in Pakistan, FYI.

And then the favorite query: Did you experience any 9/11 backlash? How badly are the Muslims treated there?

My jetlagged mouth twists into a confident smile accompanied with a polite, “We’re good”. But by then, thanks to your awesome welcome to me The Expat With Questionable Loyalty And Darling Dollars, my mind has a response of its own as it chugs out random words and queries: Hazara, Shezan boycott, Yom-e-ishq-e-Rasool, 35 Christian homes burnt down, countless target killings, numerous bazaar blasts, shrines bombed, how are the MUSLIMS and minorities treated in Pakistan?! What backlash are they suffering exactly and why?

But I refrain from lashing out at someone I’m meeting for ten minutes after ten years. Yes, I’m being the better person here. You may thank my jet lag  And I shall thank you for the material for this blog post.

Hope you have a blast and fun reading this 😉